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ugh. thinking drives me crazy

  • Dec. 3rd, 2009 at 9:49 PM

So I've been doing a lot of thinking today. I sat down on my computer listening to music and playing solitaire. So I was thinking about past decisions. I coulda went out with Kevin. Instead loser asks me out first so I accepted. Now I wish I went out with Kevin instead. And looking back, Katie wanted me to go out with Boz, but I didn't want to. Now I want to (I havent told her yet) but she doesnt want me to... or at least it seems like she doesnt want me to. I mean, Tyler will still be in my heart, its just, I wanna have some fun and I am tired of being single. I'm not desperate but it seems like maybe I am being desperate since I'm going out with him, but I really do have a crush on him now. I don't know why really.... He's cute but I guess theres something else that is attracting me to him. Anyway, this is kinda bothering me. I'm afraid to tell katie that I like him. I'd rather tell her when we are having a 1 on 1 convo. Then she can't pull becca into it. Becca is cool but I don't really know her so I don't want her all in my business. I know she saw me making out with boz. but the thing is, i wanted to kiss him. and thats whats killing me. I don't know if I can be in a relationship with him. I'm willing to give him a shot but he lied to me. Is he going to lie to me again? And about what? I mean, maybe I can go out with him and just kinda expect him to not be a good boyfriend. then I wont be dissappointed. But I dunno... and I don't know if my parents will like him, which is a huge thing for me... especially since my last boyfriend. See, I know my parents like tyler. I'm pretty sure tyler would be a good boyfriend, like 99% sure. But its not going to happen. or at least not now. and I dont want it to. I mean, I love him and all but I'd rather see it happen later when i know it would work. I dont want to date him for the summer and then see it end. that would make my heart break. Now that I think about it, I'm not desperate. I have this kid matt after me and I could totally go out with him if all I wanted was a boyfriend. But I'm not attracted to him. And I'm going about telling him nicely the wrong way. I tried talking about other boys, because I know that if a guy I really liked started talking about other girls, then I would give up. But no. He sees it as competition. And its annoying. I don't want to cut him off entirely. I like being his friend but thats it. I can't even see myself kissing him. And I wont let it happen either. I'm gonna try and keep things between boz and I good over break. He can be another person to chill with. I mean, if he wants to be my bf, I think I would go for it. It doesnt hurt to try and he's only 4 hrs away as opposed to tyler whos 8 and a half away from school. I'd rather save tyler for later if I can. Like saving the red jellybeans for the last ones you eat so you are left with a good taste in your mouth. I can see myself having a future with tyler and I can just use boz for some fun before I get serious.

oh god...

  • Nov. 30th, 2009 at 10:57 PM

ok so this is all about saturday. keep in mind this was a LONG day. So I woke up at 6am to meet up with melanies bf mike for breakfast (keep in mind he told me that he wanted to just be friends and he didnt want to do anything with me). So we meet up and get breakfast and we talk in the resteraunt for a little bit. Then he says "wanna go sit in my car?" so I said "sure" not really thinking much of it. just different music to listen to and everything. so we sit in his car and then he hugs me (I thought just as friends). Then he asks if he can kiss me. I told him "no. you're going out with melanie" and then he keeps arguing with me saying "she and I are going to break up anyway" and "you kissed me before" and all this other stuff. I finally give in and say "ok one kiss". well, we start making out..... for like 10 mins. Then it was time for me to go to my class. I get to my class and I was there from 7:30 to 4:30 and it wasnt as bad as I thought it would be. There were some funny kids in there so it was somewhat intertaining. This one kid fell asleep after lunch and slept through the break. He woke up after the break was over and convinced the teacher to give him a break lol. Anyway, I get home from my class and I was looking for something to do. Katie txt's me later on and asks if I want to go see New Moon. I decided to go see it (omg the guy who plays jacob has an amazing body and has his shirt off for most of the movie. edward takes his shirt off and then you just want to laugh because his body looks so bad compared to jacobs). When Katie, Rebecca, and I were done watching the movie, we went over to Scottys house to hang out with the boys for a little bit. We got there and there were a ton of cars all over and when we got to scottys basement door, we saw there were a lot of people there. Some of the people were already drunk (boz definately was). Boz started playing xbox and he got mad and threw the controller. it was hillarious! Then a lot of people went outside to smoke so i went outside and chilled with them while they smoked. I was talking to boz for a little bit and everything. Then we went back inside and they wanted to play a drinking game called Kings. Boz asked me if I wanted to play and I told him I didnt have anything to drink so he got me some rum and coke. Lets just say I got really drunk haha. Well I was talking to boz some more and he appologized for lying to me when I was home halloween weekend. We played kings a little more and then I had to pee. When I got out of the bathroom boz was there and he and I started making out. I dont remember why we stopped (i think maybe rebecca said something or katie pulled us apart or something) and then boz went into the bathroom to pee. When he came out I hugged him and wouldn't let go. Then I think Katie wanted to leave so I went around and hugged everyone goodbye. Boz was going to kiss me goodbye but katie put her hand between us.... but the bad thing is, I have a crush on boz. I wanted him before I even started drinking. He's cute with his hair short (he gets this jew fro when he has longer hair) but yeah.... so thats the extent of my night. Katie and I went back to her house and I think I finally fell asleep around 4am. We woke up at 7am because katie wanted to skip work but make it look like she was going to work so her parents wouldnt get mad and we went to rebeccas and crashed on her couch for a while but I couldnt fall asleep. Then around 11 katie took me home and I packed and left for school, picking doug up on my way. We had so much traffic on the way there that it took an extra hour to get to school.

Happy Turkey Day!

  • Nov. 26th, 2009 at 7:17 PM

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Happy Thanksgiving!
Omg today is boring. Last night was boring, the night before was boring too. Friday was prob. the best night so far. We went to Mels house and drank. She had some loser and his friend come over and they were soooo creepy! I was in the kitchen with them and they were trying to get into my pants. Josh said he was about to go in there and save me lol. Josh is pretty cool. I partied at his house on halloween (which is when I met him) and I thought he was an asshole at first but now he seems pretty cool. He's cute but I'm not really interested in dating him or anything. I'm still after tyler. Anyway Tuesday night I was trying to figure out something to do so I just got in my car and drove around for a little bit and then went and chilled with Stephanie Light. Then we went and met up with Josh at Sheetz and we were talking to this shady guy Jesse for a while. Then it was midnight and I had to get home for that stupid curfew my parents made. Wednesday night I pretended like I was going to spend the night at Melanies and got in my car and drove around for a bit and then met up with Josh at Sheetz. We couldnt find anyone else to chill with so we went to his place and made a bonfire. Katie joined us around 11:30 and then we both went home around midnight. Now its thanksgiving and I'm bored. I wish I could go chill with people for a bit. Really, anyplace can be boring unelss you know people. Josh and I were talking about that last night.... and its so true. I think I'm gonna go see if my parents got some new movies....... ugh.

the good life :)

  • Oct. 23rd, 2009 at 11:11 PM

So yesterday/today (which is really just one big day since I havent slept since 6:45 thursday morning) has been amazing. Thursday started out bad, going to music tech which is boring as hell because i am pretty good with computers so I can figure out everything myself, then going to piano which sucks because its boring because i can figure out everything on my own, and then math which is horrible because i suck at math and my prof is chinese so i cant understand him. Then we recorded for double reed choir, which is tedious. Then I drank an energy drink so i would be able to stay awake to go to my profs office hours to get help. going to his office hours didnt help at all. Then I met up with Doug and Theresa and we walked to my house. Then we walked to the park and played around and then walked back to my house and played guitar hero. It was such a good day! Then i was sitting around and realized that i wasnt able to fall asleep that night. The energy drink was still keeping me awake. I decided to take some shots of my blue rhasperry vodka so i took like 4 shots. Then i went upstairs and noticed that tyler was on fb. I talked to him in the fb chat and he was upset about almost getting kicked out of the clarinet studio so he was drinking too. He and I talked for an hour and somewhere in the convo he says "I'm really starting to wonder why ive never dated you for all these years". omg that made my day! I was drunk and awake so after he decided to go to sleep i was singing and playing around with the internet and stuff. Before I knew it, it was 5am and there was no point in getting up since i had to be up in an hour for class anyway. so I stayed up all night. Then i got to music theory to realize that we had hw. it took me like 2 seconds to do. after theory i went to do my sing and play test where you have to sing and play piano at the same time. I got a 97 on it! then i chilled at home for a bit until band. then at 6 30 kimi and i went to a candle party and got some free candles! then my neighbor who took us to the party gave me some spiked jello! and i met the neighbor whos car wakes me up every morning. hes got a nice body! so yeah, its been a good 2 days combined into one! My parents are visiting tomorrow since my b-day is on monday

wow

  • Aug. 27th, 2009 at 12:26 AM

Wow. It's been a while since I've been on here. I've had a pretty busy summer. I worked 2 jobs and I hung out with people a lot. I'm now back at school but I'm living in a townhouse. Its about a 15 minute walk to campus but I can take the bus if I choose to. I like it a lot! It's so much quieter than the dorms (so far) and much more spacious. Not to mention that we have a kitchen!!!! I love it so far but classes start on monday. I spent just under $400 on books and I'm taking 9 classes. SO not looking forward to that!

nighttime encounters

  • Aug. 12th, 2009 at 11:52 PM


She tickled at the prickly whiskers on the bottom of his chin, making a currying motion with her fingertips grazing his jaw line, up past his ears and all over his scalp. The darkness surrounded them and she could hear as well as feel the soft, warm breath exiting his mouth onto the exposed skin of her upper arm. The heat from the room surrounded them like a blanket. They just lay there, cuddling one another. She could feel the tug-of-war of her emotions, deciding whether or not she wanted more than just cuddling on his bed. She looked up, seeing the outline of his jaw descending upon her in the little moonlight pouring in through the window. Her heart fluttered at the thought of what she knew would happen next. She could now feel his breath on her forehead, the force becoming stronger the closer he moved his face to hers. His soft lips touched hers with the feeling of the kiss dancing through her body. She suddenly realized that she wanted more. It had been a while since she felt the soft caressing of a man on her lips, so she kissed him back. The encounter lasted a while and soon they went back to cuddling, with the occasional kiss on the cheek and the even scarcer exchanging of words. They held each other in their arms, shifting position once in a while, trying to sleep.

a little ranting to get some stuff of of my chest so maybe i can feel better before I shank someone

  • Mar. 25th, 2009 at 12:49 PM


Sorry. Just getting some agression out. You dont have to read this if you dont want to. I just need to talk to someone before I just like shank someone. She is getting on my nerves and I know she's getting on your nerves too. I wish she stayed at VCU where she would have more people to talk to. Instead she came home to be with mike. I told her not to follow him and to follow her dreams but instead she doesnt listen to me. Why do I even bother talking to her? I tried. I give suggestions and she doesnt listen. I feel like I put effort out for nothing.  Why do I even bother? I listen to all of her problems and I try to help her feel better and in exchange I get nothing. I mean, c’mon. I have problems for like once in like 2 years and you cant even listen to me. Instead you just fucking talk about your problems. I am getting over mine now and I felt like I could deal with your problems again but I can’t. I JUST FUCKING CAN’T! ALL YOU FUCKING DO IS THINK ABOUT YOURSELF. I told you not to fucking get into drugs because I’m already dealing with a friend who is already addicted but no. You didn’t listen. Instead, you just fucking tell me that you wont get addicted. WELL YOU’RE FUCKING WRONG! You are taking drugs that are addictive! Have you seen the news at all in the last 10 years? I’m guessing not. Katie will come first because she is there for me. If you get addicted, don’t fucking turn to me. I can only help one person at a time. And I don’t like the fact that your mom is/was trying to buy my friendship for you. I mean, I didn’t think about it at the time but now I feel obligated to be friends with you because your mom bought me a prom dress. I honestly don’t want to deal with you for a while. I mean, I cant deal with this. I give advice and you don’t listen. I cant stand the fact that I am trying to help you and you don’t listen. And since you didn’t follow my advice, you are making me not want to be your friend. And also, since you cheated on him and he doesn’t trust you so he doesn’t want to be with you anymore, you are ANNOYING EVERYONE! Wtf. Just leave us alone. Its your fault. You should be ashamed of all the guys you hurt. Look at them. You cheated on them and now you cant have them even though some of them were perfectly nice guys. You need to get over your partying and get back to life. And decide what you want. You were fine at vcu (except for the constant partying) and you gave up the major and life plan you wanted to be with a guy you lied and cheated on who found out and now he doesn’t want to be with you because of it. I cant believe you are turning your life into this. I tried to help. But obviously I cant. And now you are annoying the shit out of me and everyone else and we don’t need to deal with the problems you brought on yourself. You need to figure this out for yourself. Either stop cheating or stop dating.

Feb. 16th, 2009

  • 3:55 PM

So I am sick of school. Its like freaking senioritis again but now theres no light at the end of the tunnel. I'm just tired and unmotivated. I still do my schoolwork and go to class but I really don't feel like it. I just want to skip all of my classes and sit in my room and watch tv or go on the computer. Or hang out with my friends.At least my english homework is calming down quite a bit but still...
My room really needs to be cleaned. My side of the room is messy which I usually try to clean up every week but I didn't do that this week. My roommates side of the room is always messy but it doesnt bother me too much. I mean, I have no control over it and at least its not as bad as Matts side of the room. I can't believe Adam clears it up all the time.
I'm really enjoying the oboe. I am getting better at it too which is nice. I think I am going to go practice now. Its been half an hour since band so I think I rested enough since band so I wont get tired too fast.

This weekend was pretty awesome though. Katie S came up this weekend and we hung out in Adam and Matts room the whole time. I slept on the floor and she slept in matts bed. I feel so bad for them. their neighbors are horrible
  • Mood: tired
  • Music:weezer- pork and beans

Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo

  • Feb. 11th, 2009 at 4:46 PM

So today is like the best day ever! Everyone is in such a good mood! It feels like summer outside even tho its supposed to snow this weekend!! I need to finish my english homework before the weekend because my friend Katie (gettysburg katie) is comming up to visit. she used to go to IUP (last semester) but thought she didn't like it. turns out she didnt like her roommate so she is comming back next year. we're getting a townhouse! I can't wait!!! Anyway, today is like THE best wednesday in the history of wesnesdays because they usually suck. lol. Ok so warrenton katie and I both have guys that we really like but she is afraid to tell him her feelings like I am about tyler. we decided that we are actually going to just tell them this spring break! (I'm s scared but i feel like its something I need to get off my chest). But yeah..... so singles awareness day is comming up.... hopefully it wont be bad. at least it wasn't bad last year <3 (if you dont know what im talking about im pretty sure there is an enrty about everything that happened that weekend further back. Thats the weekend I went to USC)

  • Location:IUP
  • Mood: happy
  • Music:Bloodhound Gang and Weezer and Foo Fighters

Feb. 7th, 2009

  • 6:36 PM

So I haven't really been on here since last semester except for once which was like a week or 2 go and I have no clue what I wrote about. lol. Anyway, I have written the story like a million times so I wont go into details. If you ask i will give details but otherwise you will get a basic story. Anyway, I went with my friends to gettysburg and washington dc last weekend and it was a lot of fun. We went to the battlefield called devils den in the middle of the night and had a ghostly experience where my new camera bateries died (i seriously just put the batteries in right before we got out of the car to walk around) and my friend adams flashlight died when we were in the middle of the battlefield and then everything started working again when we were on our way back to the car. Next day we went into dc and walked around 2 art museums and went to the library of congress. then we went swing dancing until 11:30 and then went back to adams house and then went to another battlefield later that night around 1 but this time it was a memorial and we started walking up this staircase in this tower thing. adam stops so I stop and then we hear footsteps and we run back to the car and speed away.
Next day we wait for matt like all day to get back from my friend katies house. adam has no internet so i could only do part of my homework. we finally get back to school around 1:30 am and I am up till 5am writing my essay. The next day I go to all of my classes and stuff. I've been tired all week now.
Thursday night (really it was fri. morning) adam gets really sick and has to go to the hospital. I wasnt there and I didnt know until noon on friday. After my class on friday, I drive me and kelly in adams suv to wal mart and get his medicine and go shopping for him.
Today, I helped adam do his laundry and I've been cleaning up my room because the weather is so nice (its 52 degrees today!!!) so it feels like spring, making me in the mood to spring clean! Too bad punxy phil saw his shadow. That means 6 more weeks of snowy hell here in Indiana, PA.
  • Location:IUP
  • Mood: tired
  • Music:Flogging Molly

Ice storm

  • Jan. 28th, 2009 at 10:47 AM

Okay so this morning I wake up and realize that my alarm is waking me up rather than my roommate (she usually gets up at 8:15 and is really loud and wakes me up). So it was weird hearing my alarm go off at 9 this morning. I wake up and look at my phone and see that classes are on a two hour delay this morning which meant that all classes before 10:10 this morning were cancelled. I was thinking about how I wished that class was cancelled because this whole cancelling of classes before 10:10 didn't apply to me. I got up and checked my e-mail and everything and then got dressed. When I finished brushing my teeth in the bathroom, I was talking to the janitor lady who cleans out bathroom and she was telling me that it was really icy and to be careful outside. I didn't realize how icy everything was going to be until I stepped outside. I realized that all of the ground around my dorm building was completely ice. I was basically going to have to "ice skate" to class. I had to walk all the way across campus including 2 streets into the mess. Luckally I was careful enough to not fall and kill myself but it was still a lot slower than just walking to class. I finally got to the psychology building for my first class of the day which was developmental psychology and sat in there with a few of the other students waiting for the professor to come into the class room and start teaching. A few minutes later, people started getting a text message that all classes for the day had been cancelled. As we were getting ready to leave, the professor walks in so we talk to her for a few minutes and then make the icy trek across campus back to our dorms. Now I am sitting here typing this with a nice hot mug of earl grey tea next to me and some ramen noodles cooking in the microwave. I think I am going to get a head start on my homework that I would have to do today if we had class... less work for me to do later on in the week when I can be doing other fun stuff..... or cleaning my room which has stuff everywhere even though I vaccumed yesterday

Somewhere I Belong

  • Nov. 12th, 2008 at 1:38 PM

This week is going to be very busy for me. I have so much homework to do. I have a history paper that I have to write that was due last sunday but I am really having trouble with this one. I think I am going to go see my professor after concert band and ask him for help. I've been to tired this week. I had our last marching performance on saturday at the football game and my friend katie from back at home came up this weekend and we stayed up till like 3 am and then woke up at like 9 am both days. Then after she left, I realized how depressed I've been feeling lately and talked to my mom about it and decided to look at some other colleges. I feel so homesick and everything. Every night I've been crying myself to sleep thinking "I want my mom". I just feel like life is so messed up right now. I have 1 friend who is going to vcu and she decided that she wants to go to lfcc in the spring so she can live with her boyfriend who she hasn't even been dating for a year. then she wants to go to gmu and live with him. she was making dumb decisions at vcu like going partying every night and drinking and smoking weed. Another friend just met her boyfriend online and now she wants to go move in with him. she's going to lfcc right now but I feel like she will also be screwing up her life. my friend katie here, one of my only friends, will be leaving me next semester so she can go to community college for the spring and then transfer to another college for next fall. I am stuck here without a major and I feel homesick and I will have like 1 friend who is a guy so I can't talk about girl stuff with him and everything. Also, there isn't any housing available for next year right now so even if I go here next year, as of right now I have no place to live next year. I just want to look at some other colleges so I can get into another school of music somewhere so I can have the major I want. I really can't think of anything else I want to do. I love music. I just have no motivstion to play right now. Maybe I should go up to the practice rooms and practice for a little bit. I just don't know what to play. I'm just tired of feeling depressed and tired of crying all the time. I want to go home. Nothings the same back home but I want my family. I just want to find a place that I belong. I just don't feel like I belong here at IUP and once I go home, I probably wont feel like I belong there either
  • Location:not home...
  • Mood: depressed
  • Music:Becoming Jane Soundtrack

I don't want to be alone....

  • Nov. 3rd, 2008 at 1:55 PM

Okay, so my friend katie might be going to a different college next semester. I have like 2 friends. I guess I hang out with Adam and Matt but not that much. I'm usually hanging out with Katie and/or Doug. I'm not sure if IUP is the right place for me. I don't know what to do with my life. It just seems like everything is going downhill. I'm not getting into the flute studio, I don't have a major, If I don't get into the school of music I don't know what else I want to do, one of my few friends might not be here year or possibly net semester. I just haven't found my niche. I haven't found any activities I really enjoy doing. Marching band I find to be ok at times and fencing is fun once in a while but I don't feel motivated to do anything. Maybe I should go to the counseling center and talk to someone.... I really just feel like I don't belong here but I don't know what to do. I've just felt stressed out and depressed the last few weeks. Its time for something to change but I don't know what. I don't know if I want to look at other colleges or stay here. I like the school itself ok. I was thinking about joining the equestrian team but I most likely wont have katie here to hang out with.
  • Location:IUP
  • Music:Paramore

Moving On

  • Oct. 29th, 2008 at 10:20 PM

It seems like my best friends from back at home are moving on. It makes me sad that we're drifting apart.I have like nothing really in common with Viki and really the only thing I have in common with melanie is that we both went off to college. I feel like I don't want to see them when I go back home because I don't have much in common with them anymore. They both have boyfriends (melanie has been with hers for a few months and viki just met hers like 2 weeks ago online) and they are both talking about living with their boyfriends. I'm here, single and have no clue what to do with my life. I'm still not in the school of music and if I don't get in for the fall, I am going to choose another major. I just don't know what I want to do. I don't even know if I want to do music anymore. I think I still do but right now I feel so discouraged because I still haven't gotten into the school of music and now I'm pretty much stuck taking core classes and social sciences until I choose a major. I really don't know what I want to do and I feel so lost. Also,I only hang out with like 2 people who are doug and katie. Katie might not even be here next year. Doug keeps flirting with like every girl in sight even though he has a girlfriend who he says he loves a lot. It confuses the hell out of me. I wish I could just go home. I just feel so weird being home... or at least it was weird when I went home that one weekend. I'm so used to being here but everything is so confusing and I feel lost among the confusion. I hope I find the right path to take and figure out whats going on. 
  • Location:IUP
  • Mood: confused

stuff....

  • Oct. 22nd, 2008 at 8:47 PM

Ok, so school is going pretty good so far I guess.... I am passing all of my classes, I've made some friends, I've managed to avoid going to parties where I would get plastered therefore causing me to do stupid things and get kicked out of school etc.
Anyway, I didn't get into the school of music for the spring because she doesn't have any openings in the flute studio so I am going to try to audition in the spring for next fall. If I don't make it into the school of music in the fall I am going to choose another major. I have no clue what else I want to do with my life right now and it kind of upsets me, but I'm just trying to not think about it too much right now. Since I don't have a major, theres not many classes I can take... I'm taking developmental psychology, college writing, exploring the universe (my lab science), concert band, sociology, and hopefully woodwind ensemble. so yeah, thats basically all thats been happening lately. My parents come to visit me this weekend for my birthday, so I'm pretty excited about that!
  • Location:IUP
  • Mood: tired
  • Music:paramore

I can feel you all around me

  • Sep. 5th, 2008 at 11:07 PM

Okay. I just got back from dougs room. I was origionally going to go over there to show him the iLL wILL movies about foamy the squirrel. Instead, he has the t.v. on so I lay down on his bed. (wow. totally aquward. I left the door open and I was dancing around here in my seat while listening to paramore and my roommate just walked in. lol) anyway, I was in dougs room and we were watching comedy central and his roommate walks in and the guy on t.v. starts talking about boobs and playing with them. One of the comments the commedian made was that boobs are the best toy ever and dougs roommate pete was like "yeah, thats what I say". It was totally aquward.... anyway so yeah, we were laying there and his roommate left and dou kept saying he was going to pull down my shorts and I kept telling him not to but I was being playful with him and stuff and we ended up making out again. and again. yeah. I left when the comedian was done with his show but I really had a lot of fun. I thought I was going to end up losing my shirt so I'm surprised he didn't try to take my shirt off. I was hanging out with him the other day and I had a shirt that buttoned up all the way and he was like "I like shirts like that because they have all these buttons you can play with and I let him un-botton the one on my pocket but once he got close to one of the ones that keeps the shirt closed, I told him no. I really wouldn't have cared today though. I dunno. I am in a playful mood.
  • Mood: crazy
  • Music:paramore and flyleaf

Let's get these teen hearts beating. Faster, faster

  • Aug. 29th, 2008 at 10:19 PM

Okay.... so a lot has happened in the past few days. I met this guy in my psychology class and he's from Winchester, VA. Its like "wow! You live so close to where I live!" anyway, we were standing in line and I was just talking and all of the sudden he starts talking to me and stuff and says "you're my new friend'. I found out that he's in marching band with me and plays trombone. He keeps making fun of me for it too! Anyway, I added him on facebook and stuff and later that night he and I hung out. He lives in a residence hall that is attached to my residence hall so at least I don't have to walk a long distance to go see him. Anyway, so we hang out in my room first and then go and hang out in his room for a little bit and flirt and the whole bit and I met his roommate and stuff. Then I decided to go back to my room at midnight so I could get some sleep because I had to get up at 8 for a class at 9:30. He gave me his cell phone number and walked me to the elevator. When I was waiting for the elevator, he leans up against my back and says "I like being friends with cute people" That totally caught me off guard so there was that awkward silence. The next day (yesterday) I went to lunch with him and then walked him to class because I wanted to go to the music building. Then later that night I was talking to him on facebook and ended up going to his room. He was having trouble with his t.v. because he wanted us to watch a movie. He ended up giving up and decided to have us watch it on his laptop. I saw that on the background of his laptop is some girl. I asked him who it was and he said "thats emily" but in a tone that basically says "thats just emily" kinda like she didn't matter all that much. Anyway, he sits on his bed and says "either you can sit on the chair or here on the bed with me." So I picked the chair because obviously this girl is his girlfriend or something. Then he says "awww! You're not going to lay on the bed with me?" so I said "fine" and crawled over him to the empty space on his bed (which was really comfortable by the way). We cuddled while watching anime. I was starting to sense that we were going to be making out soon. I got out of there because it was already bad enough that I was snuggling with him while he has a girlfriend. I said I was tired and left. Today I walked with him from cogswell (the music building) and sat next to him in psyc and had lunch with him and then we went up to his room and snuggled on his bed and watched comedy central. Later on, we got up and he started hugging me, he kissed me on the cheek and I looked up and kissed him and we started making out. Then I looked down  so he would stop and asked him where we stood. He said "we're just fun buddies. So basically friends with benefits. I'm not really sure what to think of it.... Then we went back and layed on his bed and we were both falling asleep. We made out once in between sleeping and him waking me up by tickleing me. I discovered he's tickleish on his feet. Lol. Later around 3:30 I wanted to eat something before marching band so I went back to my room and had some mac and cheese. I went to practice at 4:45 and then after practice around 7:30, I went back to his room and picked up some dvd's that he was going to let me borrow since I am going to be all by myself this weekend (he's going home this weekend and he's my only friend here so yeah... i'm all alone). Now I miss him and its only been 4 hours since I've seen him. Its bad..... And I'm SO confused. 
  • Location:IUP
  • Mood: confused
  • Music:lying is the most fun a girl can have without taking her clothes off by: PATD

College

  • Aug. 26th, 2008 at 12:20 PM

I miss home so much. I miss my friends, I miss my family, and I just miss the familiarity of home. I don't feel as homesick as I did the past few days. Yesterday and the day before, I was crying both nights because I just felt so alone. I have no friends here yet and it kinda sucks but I talked to my CA last night and she invited me to eat with her and her friends on wednesday. She told me that she doesn't like eating alone either so she just picks up a bag lunch for lunch, so I ended up picking up a bag lunch this afternoon for lunch. It helps not having to see everyone eating and having a good time with their friends when I'm sitting all by myself eating. I might pick up a bag dinner too. She also helped me find a club that I am going to join on wednesday after marching band where I get to help plan activites for the residence hall. I think that will be fun. She also said that IUP day is comming up where all the different clubs and orginizations set up booths in a room and you can go around and join clubs. Hopefully I will meet people and have some friends soon.

The Traditional dorms suck. They're cheaper than the suites but you don't have a/c, you have a community bathroom, and the rooms are smaller, and smell funny. Also, you can't move the furnature around so you're pretty much stuck having everything put the way the college put them. You can move the beds and even bunk them if you want to but I don't want to be on the top bunk, and if you move the beds, it'll probably make the room seem smaller. I've been hearing that having an apartment is cheaper than living in the suites. I'm highly thinking about doing that next year. I just have to make some friends that I would want to share an apartment with first.

My classes seem okay. Then again, classes started yesterday so I've only been getting introductions to them so I haven't really done anything in there yet. My psycology profesor seems really passionate about the subject and this is his second year of teaching. He's older (like in his 40's) but he was just in college about 2 years ago so he knows how to relate to us a little more. My math professor said that the class is basically for people who hate math, so the class sounds perfect. My history professor doesn't want us wasteing our money on textbooks because we will only get a third of our money back from it if we try to sell our books back to the store after the class is over so basically we have to take notes and read stuff online. I haven't gone to my food and nutrition class yet but thats at 2:00 so I guess I will be leaving for that soon. I hope I like it. I guess I will find out in about an hour.

wow.... I move out of my house on friday

  • Aug. 10th, 2008 at 5:03 PM

I'm so fucking scared yet I'm glad to be getting out of the same routein of everyday life and making a new one. My roommate isnt doing marching band anymore so I guess I have my room to myself for a week. I got a mini fridge today. We plugged it into the wall to test it out before we go all the 4 hours away so that way we can exchange it if it doesnt work. my roommate is bringing a microwave. 


I feel so depressed right now though.... my fun just ended.... the cruise is over... I dont have my cuzzy danielle here to keep me company.... I finished reading breaking dawn... and now I have to find another series of books to keep me occupied and where I am anicipating the next bok. I feel so fucking hungry all the time too! GAH! Why did the cruise have to end?
  • Location:home
  • Mood: depressed
  • Music:panic at the disco (my cousin got me hooked on them)

Dance fucker dance, man he never had a chance

  • Jun. 25th, 2008 at 10:39 PM

God. I can't stop thinking about tyler. I haven't seen him since my graduation party. He's gone to canada right now to play his clarient with an orchestra but he gets back the 30th and on july 3rd, he, melanie, and I are going to Kings Dominion! Or at least I hope! It'll be fun!!! I hope it works out! I am seriously crazy about him and I think he's the perfect guy at the moment. I just don't know if he likes me. I'm glad he got to see me in my graduation dress because that seriously looked amazing on me! And I got to play super smash brothers against him but devin, the person who I invited who I shouldn't have was being a butt head and killed me every chance he got. I was like "fuck you". I sat next to tyler on my couch, our legs and thighs touching. I also have memories of him when we were in pit orchetra together. He told me "I want to marry someone in music." he kept talking about it and everything and then he talked about his ex girlfriend rose. I think he really likes her and he can't get over her. They've gone out twice already. Its killing me. I want to tell him but I'm just too afraid of getting hurt. I don't want things to be aqward between us and I also don't want to get hurt. I'm so afraid of getting hurt. I also don't know how to tell him. I need to tell him but I need to tell him in private which probably won't happen. I'm just hoping that kings dominion will be like hershey park. That day was like magic. The most fun I've had in a long time.
  • Location:home
  • Mood: frustrated
  • Music:you're gonna go far kid- the offspring

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